“You’re Only Old Once!”
Did you think I forgot
To send you my blog?
My brain got too busy,
And into some fog.
It got kinda late
But it is still Friday!
Hope you had as much fun
As I did on my day J
It will be very soon
When I’m video blogging
That I read you it all
While your glog you are glogging.
Seuss is for kids!
You say with a start.
But laughs are for all
And they’re good for your heart.
Enjoy! – Dr. Liz
(Our story begins with our hero in the doctor’s waiting room …)
One day you will read
in the National Geographic
of a faraway land
with no smelly bad traffic.
In those green-pastured mountains
everybody feels fine at a hundred and three
‘cause the air that they breathe
and because they chew nuts
from the Tutt-a-Tutt tree.
This gives strength to their teeth,
It gives length to their hair,
And they live without doctors,
With nary a care.
And you’ll find yourself wishing that you were out there
In Fotta-fa-Zee and not here in this chair
In the Golden Years Clinic on Century Square
For Spleen Readjustment and Muffler Repair.
Just why are you here?
You’re not feeling your best…
You’ve come in for
An Eyesight and Solvency Test.
(After our hero undergoes a large quantity of funny tests and being “ogled” up and down by those ogling doctors, he is prescribed his medications…)
For your Pill Drill you’ll go to Room Six Sixty-three,
Where a voice will instruct you, “Repeat after me…
This small white pill is what I munch
at breakfast and right after lunch.
I take the pill that’s kelly green
before each meal and in between.
These loganberry colored pills
I take for early morning chills.
I take the pill with zebra stripes
to cure my early evening gripes.
These orange-tinted ones, of course,
I take to cure my charley horse.
I take three blues at half past eight
to slow my exhalation rate.
On alternate nights at nine p.m.
I swallow pinkies. Four of them.
The reds, which make my eyebrows strong,
I eat like popcorn all day long.
The speckled browns are what I keep
beside my bed to help me sleep.
This long flat one is what I take
if I should die before I wake.”
When at last we are sure
you’ve been properly pilled,
then a few paper forms
must be properly filled
so that you and your heirs
may be properly billed.
If you’re smart,
there’s a very good chance
that you’ll meet soon again
with your socks, coat, and pants.
And you’ll know
once your necktie’s
back under your chin
and Norval has waved you
Godspeed with his fin,
you’re in pretty good shape
for the shape you are in!
(If only our hero had heard about bioidentical hormones sooner!)