Tips & Advice
Dr. Liz’s Blog

Medical Practice Speaking

Love, Sweet Love!

11/   February, 2020

“Looooove is a many splendored thing…”

Then why are so many of us so bad at it?

It’s estimated that half of all people who get married in the U.S. will end up divorcing.

How can this be?

Webinar on Libido

A while ago, I gave a webinar on libido and I was put in a very awkward situation. I’m an OB-GYN doctor, a hormone specialist and because it was February as we are, I did a webinar about libido, hormones, sex drive.

In the Q and A session, I got the question: How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship?

I was annoyed by this question for several reasons. First, this was a coworker who I knew was in her second marriage. Second, I was very happily single at the time and third, I am not a therapist!

As often happens with me, I thought of a really good reply a few days later.

How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship?

Here it is: here is what keeps the spark alive in a relationship.

With a rubber band around both of my hands, what makes the band pull my hands together?

When my hands pull apart with the band around them, the increasing tension on the band is what pulls them together.

Between two people, the tension in the rubber band is the same as sexual tension.

You’re pulling and you feel the tension and it brings people back together (this is what make-up sex is all about, but we’re not going there right now.)

As two people in a relationship get to know each other, there’s less tension. There’s more familiarity and less of what people describe as the spark.

What does sexual energy and tension have to do with love?

What does sexual energy and tension have to do with love, you might ask?

Let me take you back to adolescence. Let me tell you about my 19 year old son.

Charlie is in college. He called me the other day needing to run us a situation by me.

Charlie says, “Mom, there’s this girl that I like. But… she just broke up with my fraternity brother.”

This fraternity brother, whom I’ll call Brad, still likes the girl. I know this because Brad gave my son a pie that he baked for the girl because he (Brad) is about to head out of town.

To complicate matters, Charlie ate a third of the pie before he realized the significance of the pie gift.

Charlie is irritated because he doesn’t understand why he needs to worry about this guy’s lingering feelings for the girl.

So far, despite explaining to my son the distinction between sexual tension and actual love, I have failed to persuade my son that this kind of sexual tension and drama is not a promising foundation for a relationship.

Here we are in the year 2020. We think we are so modern and have so much figured out.

Almost a century ago, in 1937, Napoleon Hill wrote a book called ‘Think and Grow Rich’, in which there is a chapter called ‘The Mystery of Sex Transmutation. ‘

Transmute means to change one form of energy into another. The author talks about “the emotion of sex.” We think of love as an emotion, but how often do we think of sex as an emotion?

Is sex an emotion?

Hill says that the emotion of sex brings into being a state of mind. He also says that it is because of ignorance on the subject that we translate this into only relating to the physical. It is the confusing of the emotion of sex and the emotion of love that gets us into trouble. Hill asserts that the proper blending of the emotions of sex and love through the use of knowledge and willpower can put us on the road to genius.

It has been said that up until about a century ago, men controlled 100% of the money and women controlled 100% of the sex. Nowadays, men and women control the money about 50/50 … and women still control a hundred percent of the sex.

This goes with a vertical model of power between the sexes, a hierarchy or authority structure where men hold power over women.

Movements including Me Too and Time’s Up are evidence that this vertical power structure simply doesn’t work. It’s falling apart right before our eyes.

But what will we build in its place? My husband and I dance the Argentine tango. One of the reasons I love this particular dance so much is that it requires a leader and a follower in any given moment. If we both try to lead or to follow at the same time, it is not pretty.

The Argentine tango

Also, in tango, we have to hold an embrace. We have to hold a degree of tension between us in our bodies in order for the dance to work. If we’re just falling on each other, all snuggled up, the dance does not happen.

I know a therapist who used to send women to my tango class to have them learn how to let go of control, how to not lead, how to share power, how to work in partnership.

All parents want to save their kids from heartache. This is now more urgent than ever. A girl or a young woman who misinterprets my son’s actions or intentions can now end his career.

I want both women and men to be protected, and also to be able to experience a loving, intimate relationship.

“What the world – needs now – is Love, sweet love…”

We need to build a new structure, a new dynamic. It’s not vertical, it’s horizontal. It’s in partnership. It’s sharing back and forth. The leading and the following. This is what will help us truly experience life’s greatest gift, which is in fact, love.

I wish you true happiness this Valentine’s Day, and all year round.

Balance Your Hormones to Improve Your Sex Drive

11/   February, 2019

Lack of sex drive is a common reason women come into my office.

I appreciate this because sex drive – a.k.a. libido – is not only about sex. Libido reflects motivation, drive, passion in life.

Libido reflects life energy.

I also appreciate when women acknowledge the importance of sexual health and intimacy for the health for their relationships.

[I think most men are much quicker than most women to admit the importance of sex in their lives. What do you think? Comment at the end of this blog.]

Evaluating a woman with a low sex drive starts with questions about her physical health.

  • Is she perimenopausal or menopausal?
  • Does she have vaginal dryness?
  • Does she have pain or discomfort with sex?

If a woman is in menopause or perimenopause (the 10 or more years leading up to menopause), her hormone levels might be rising and falling, affecting her sleep, mood, sex drive, and more.

How Hormones Impact Partnership Bliss

10/   May, 2018

Can Balanced Hormones Create Partnership Bliss?

Dr. Liz Lyster is interviewed by Kimi Avary, Relationship Navigation Specialist. Dr. Liz is passionate about helping women feel like their best selves, so they can bring health and happiness to the world.

As a doctor for over 25 years, she has helped women – and men – regain energy, reignite their sex drive, clear up hormonal imbalance, and lose hundreds of pounds. She is the author of “Dr. Liz’s Easy Guide to Menopause: 5 Simple Steps to Balancing Your Hormones and Feeling Like Yourself Again”.

In this episode, Dr. Liz and Kimi Avary discuss the impact of hormones on our happiness and partnerships. 

Healthy Sexuality For Your Good Health

29/   January, 2018

Healthy sexuality is not just a good idea; it’s actually good for your health.

In America alone, 40 million women experience sexual dysfunction. Problems can range from a low sexual desire to problems with arousal, to problems achieving orgasm. These problems can begin or worsen during and after perimenopause and menopause.

Medical illnesses, lack of sleep, and stress may be part of the problem. If sexual dysfunction is due to psychological issues then counseling can be very helpful. Also, treating underlying physical conditions – such as lack of vaginal estrogen – can often help. While depression can cause or worsen these symptoms, medications that treat depression can also cause or worsen this dysfunction (a classic case of the treatment making the situation worse!)

Now, besides the fact that sex perpetuates the species, good sex has quite a few health benefits, for both women and men:

Sleep and your s*e*x life

16/   February, 2017

Sometimes doctors make me crazy.

A few years back, I got frustrated reading studies that came up with very obvious conclusions. I got annoyed enough to create an anonymous blog called “No Duh, Doctor!”

Although this blog is no longer active, I recently came across a study that qualified.

Health Benefits of S*e*x

13/   February, 2017

In addition to perpetuating the species, sex has quite a few health benefits.

  1. Sex protects our health. For both men and women, studies show that sexual activity has a protective effect on our health. In men, studies have shown a 50% decrease in the risk of cardiovascular mortality in men having frequent sex, as compared to the men in the study having the least frequency of sex. Studies also confirm similar findings in women, especially regarding orgasms.