estimated that half of all people who get married in the U.S. will end up
can this be?
Webinar on Libido
A while ago, I gave a webinar on libido and I was put in a very awkward situation. I’m an OB-GYN doctor, a hormone specialist and because it was February as we are, I did a webinar about libido, hormones, sex drive.
In the Q and A session, I got the question: How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship?
annoyed by this question for several reasons. First, this was a coworker who I
knew was in her second marriage. Second, I was very happily single at the time
and third, I am not a therapist!
often happens with me, I thought of a really good reply a few days later.
How do you keep the spark alive in a relationship?
Here it is: here is what keeps the spark alive in a relationship.
rubber band around both of my hands, what makes the band pull my hands together?
my hands pull apart with the band around them, the increasing tension on the
band is what pulls them together.
two people, the tension in the rubber band is the same as sexual tension.
You’re pulling and you feel the tension and it brings people back together (this is what make-up sex is all about, but we’re not going there right now.)
two people in a relationship get to know each other, there’s less tension.
There’s more familiarity and less of what people describe as the spark.
What does sexual energy and tension have to do with love?
What does sexual energy and tension have to do with love, you might ask?
me take you back to adolescence. Let me tell you about my 19 year old son.
is in college. He called me the other day needing to run us a situation by me.
says, “Mom, there’s this girl that I like. But… she just broke up with my
fraternity brother, whom I’ll call Brad, still likes the girl. I know this
because Brad gave my son a pie that he baked for the girl because he (Brad) is
about to head out of town.
complicate matters, Charlie ate a third of the pie before he realized the
significance of the pie gift.
is irritated because he doesn’t understand why he needs to worry about this guy’s
lingering feelings for the girl.
far, despite explaining to my son the distinction between sexual tension and
actual love, I have failed to persuade my son that this kind of sexual tension and
drama is not a promising foundation for a relationship.
we are in the year 2020. We think we are so modern and have so much figured
Almost a century ago, in 1937, Napoleon Hill wrote a book called ‘Think and Grow Rich’, in which there is a chapter called ‘The Mystery of Sex Transmutation. ‘
means to change one form of energy into another. The author talks about “the
emotion of sex.” We think of love as an emotion, but how often do we think of
sex as an emotion?
Is sex an emotion?
Hill says that the emotion of sex brings into being a state of mind. He also says that it is because of ignorance on the subject that we translate this into only relating to the physical. It is the confusing of the emotion of sex and the emotion of love that gets us into trouble. Hill asserts that the proper blending of the emotions of sex and love through the use of knowledge and willpower can put us on the road to genius.
has been said that up until about a century ago, men controlled 100% of the
money and women controlled 100% of the sex. Nowadays, men and women control the
money about 50/50 … and women still control a hundred percent of the sex.
with a vertical model of power between the sexes, a hierarchy or authority
structure where men hold power over women.
Movements including Me Too and Time’s Up are evidence that this vertical power structure simply doesn’t work. It’s falling apart right before our eyes.
But what will we build in its place? My husband and I dance the Argentine tango. One of the reasons I love this particular dance so much is that it requires a leader and a follower in any given moment. If we both try to lead or to follow at the same time, it is not pretty.
The Argentine tango
Also, in tango, we have to hold an embrace. We have to hold a degree of tension between us in our bodies in order for the dance to work. If we’re just falling on each other, all snuggled up, the dance does not happen.
know a therapist who used to send women to my tango class to have them learn
how to let go of control, how to not lead, how to share power, how to work in
parents want to save their kids from heartache. This is now more urgent than
ever. A girl or a young woman who misinterprets my son’s actions or intentions
can now end his career.
want both women and men to be protected, and also to be able to experience a
loving, intimate relationship.
“What the world – needs now – is Love, sweet love…”
We need to build a new structure, a new dynamic. It’s not vertical, it’s horizontal. It’s in partnership. It’s sharing back and forth. The leading and the following. This is what will help us truly experience life’s greatest gift, which is in fact, love.
wish you true happiness this Valentine’s Day, and all year round.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon
It’s January when most people make new plans – or re-commit to old plans – about their health.
Last month I went to Las Vegas for the annual World Congress of the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine (A4M). There were thousands of doctors and health practitioners attending, and over a hundred lectures to choose from. People say conferences like this are like drinking from a fire hose, but it was really more like being surrounded by fire hoses of latest cutting edge health information.
There is a lot of discussion about people’s “lifespan”.
But what about “health span”?
One of the keynote speakers was Dr. Aronson from UCSF – she spoke about redefining aging. She said what I have been saying, that we need new terminology. When a baby is born, it called a neonate, then an infant, then a toddler, then a child. Then a preteen than a tween, then adolescent. So many terms for just an 18 year span of life.
Then we get to age 18, and from there forward we are … “adult”. For the rest of our lives!
Dr. Aronson talked about a study done with medical
students about some terms for getting older. I’ll ask you the questions the students
What do you think of when you hear the word “old”?
Most people say things like: wrinkly, feeble, decrepit,
How about if I say the word “elder”?
Maybe you’re thinking things like: wisdom, experienced, a
guide, a resource.
We need more words, more terminology to describe what
happens between age 18 and death.
There are of course many more stages that we go through as
How about the word Dr. Aronson proposed for the more
advanced ages of adulthood: Elderhood.
Here’s a really great feature of elderhood – the return of
Here is the “happiness curve”, studied repeatedly and shown to be true for all kinds of people.
In childhood, most young people feel carefree and
unlimited. Little kids never want to go to bed!
Then we get older. Sometimes as an adult, I have woken up in the morning and started planning when I’ll be able to go back to bed!
We head into adulthood, maybe going to a job we don’t like, staying in stressful relationships or environments because we feel we have to. Then we see the happiness curve go up again later in life. Maybe later in adulthood, we make choices to do more meaningful work or hobbies that allow us to express ourselves.
Whatever the reasons, people report a return of happiness
later in life.
There is one caveat.
People later in life only report an increase in happiness
as long as they have their health.
This is why “health span” has to catch up to “lifespan”.
Unfortunately, in the United States, a lot of Americans spend much of the last years of their life in ill health. The health span curve shows a long drawn out part at the end.
My goal of learning about anti-aging and regenerative
medicine is not to defeat death. What I want for myself and my patients is to
square off the health span curve so it shows health and vitality persisting
into advancing ages. A doctor friend of mine says, “I want to be sliding into
my grave as they start to throw the dirt.”
What about you? Do you want to reach and enjoy a healthy
If so, what’s your plan?
It’s January, time to make health-related plans.
Here’s one great suggestion to jumpstart all your efforts to support and improve your health this year – help out your liver with a detox program.
After the A4M conference I attended last month, I went on
a super fun vacation with my husband to see my family in Argentina. We pretty
much ate our way through Buenos Aires. I introduced him to as many as possible
of the yummy foods I enjoyed when I traveled there as a kid and throughout my
My husband and I are going to help our livers recover from our holiday season by doing a 7-Day Detox program the first week of February. Click here if you’re interested in joining us and I’ll make sure you get more information.
Whether you do this detox program or any other path to
support your one precious body, I challenge you now in this new year, to decide
what you will do differently to square off your health span curve so that you stay
vital and healthy, and enjoy a long and vibrant lifespan.
“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” — Jack Kornfield
Who is your harshest critic?
I criticize myself very
easily. Unfortunately, sometimes I also criticize other people too easily for
When I recently told my
husband that I think I am maturing, he turned to me with his usual good humor and
asked, “Why would you want to do that?”
I always appreciate his
efforts to keep things lighthearted, especially when I am down on myself. What
I meant by feeling more mature is because I am learning to understand that
criticism is my first response, and I need to wait a moment to let it pass so
that I can see the good in a situation or in another person.
It’s the end of the year now where most of us take stock of our year, whether it’s in your job, or our household, or your own small business. We wrap up this year and start to think about the year to come.
To help us look back on this
year, and plan ahead for the year to come, how would you like a sandwich?
How about a “P-N-P sandwich”?
This is a “positive, negative, positive” sandwich and it refers to giving
feedback in a way that can be well-received.
“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of
exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They
no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents,
chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and
tyrannize their teachers.”
We are now in the time of year of a lot of Jewish holidays.
The Jewish holidays go in cycles and right now we’re in the beginning of the yearly cycle. So first there’s the Jewish New Year, which is a very happy time and there’s apples and honey and while everyone is trying to keep the start of the school year going, we say, “Happy New Year!”
Then there are ten days that people often refer to as the Days of Awe. It’s a time of introspection and you’re supposed to take an accounting of yourself. A reckoning of your life and who you are as a person. You’re supposed to look inwards very deeply.
Have you heard of Napoleon Hill’s book, Think And Grow Rich?
I often start books at the end. At the end of that book is a questionnaire with
about, I don’t know, over 100 questions and it’s all about taking an inventory
Summer can either be a time to work on your health or to let it go completely. Because I like happy mediums, here are my thoughts on how to strike a balance.
Tip #1 – Get some extra sleep.
Many of us will take some time off during the summer, and either travel or just do a fun “staycation”. Also, many parents I know have a more relaxed schedule during the summer simply because the kids don’t have to be up and out early in the morning. Even an extra thirty or sixty minutes of sleep in the morning can make a big difference in your health, especially if you’re working on losing weight.
It’s true. My mother was terrified when I told her I was going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.
She pictured ice picks, ropes, oxygen masks, and dangerous ravines. I calmed her fears by sending her a picture from my Kili guide book showing (the truth) that most of it consists of beautiful hikes. All I needed were good hiking boots, warm clothes, and sturdy poles.
My mom has always thought I was a little crazy. I often gave her good reason to think so.
Who celebrates turning 50 by climbing up a mountain?
It made perfect sense to me. I thought it was the perfect way to demonstrate (mostly to myself) that getting older does NOT mean declining or shrinking away from living life out loud.
Don’t worry, I’m not having a real baby! That factory closed a while ago ☺
[Click here if you want to skip to the 2-question survey on which book title is better!]
My first “baby”
My first “baby” was born in 2009 when Dr. Liz’ Easy Guide to Menopause was published. It was a relatively easy birthing process. I was in a book-writing boot camp, which set me up well to write a strong outline that represented the “5 Steps” that I still do to this day with every patient I work with in my practice.